“Love the skin you’re in!” Who else has heard this and laughed? I remember the first time I didn’t love my “skin.” An older girl at school called me “thunder thighs” at school. What did that even mean? I was devastated when I found out she was saying I had big legs/thighs. It probably seems trivial but that was a pivotal moment for me growing up. I didn’t see myself as pretty as my friends and I definitely wasn’t as thin. I had big boobs, hips, thighs, etc but was no where near to the “fat” I thought I was. I hated wearing swimsuits and would constantly pull at and readjust my clothes. 
After visiting the horrible ob/gyn’s office where the doctor told me I was extremely obese, I felt defeated and crushed. I was that 7th grader with thunder thighs all over again. I thought that I was already failing as a mama because of my weight. These were all lies. No number on the scale defines me – but I didn’t know that then. 
When I switched to midwifery care at TMC I cried when I told the midwife about my weight “problem.” She assured me that I was healthy and my baby was healthy and that I shouldn’t worry, but for the 37 weeks that I went to TMC I never once looked at my weight. When you get to The Midwife Center, you check in and then head to the bathroom to weigh yourself. OMG – what?! I can’t do that! (And I didn’t!) I was terrified by the numbers on the scale so the staff of TMC would come in with me – weigh me as I had my eyes closed – and record it for the midwives. Looking back now that seems ridiculous, but I was so crippled by my past hurt and my body image that I couldn’t handle hearing the number.
I am so embarrassed to actually admit this – but at one of my last prenatal visits one of the midwives was explaining placental positioning. She said as long as the placenta wasn’t previa (completely over the covering of the cervix) that a natural, vaginal birth would be a good plan for me. She cautioned that if it was previa that we’d schedule a c-section but didn’t want to go into details until I had one last ultrasound. Without skipping a beat I said “if they’re giving a c-section, do you think they’d do a tummy tuck or something too?” What? Seriously Lauren? Red flags must’ve gone up immediately because the midwife calmly and respectfully asked if I had previously had an eating disorder. I didn’t but it sure sounded like it from what I said and how I had been acting. 
I loved my big preggo belly! I loved to rub it and imagine what my baby inside was like. I was scared to death that I’d look like that well after the baby was out though! 
I had only gained 34 lbs which isn’t a crazy amount, but I was already overweight for my 5′ 2″ frame. After delivering my sweet 7 lb 5.5 oz boy I didn’t think anything about weight. Breastfeeding cravings were WAY more hardcore than pregnancy ones. I ate nonstop but knew I needed the calories to keep up with my milk supply. 
Everette was nearly 3 months old. I was feeling good, but still wearing stretchy band maternity pants. I didn’t want to buy any “regular” clothes that were bigger. October 1, 2014 I signed up and started Weight Watchers online and that’s when everything started to changed!
I didn’t want anyone to know that I joined WW! I counted points, weighed and measured everything, and was very strict. I got a whopping 52 points a day because of nursing! Woo woo! I never felt deprived or hungry! In the first week I dropped 4 lbs right away. I was shocked!
I’ve learned about portion control and have changed the way I eat! I still have ice cream, but I eat 1/2 cup instead of an entire bowl. 1 oz of chips satisfies a salty craving just fine! At first I didn’t go out to dinner but now I’m comfortable with the WW plan and I’m able to make smart choices while out and about. 
I’m 75 lbs down and I’m never turning back! (Until I get pregnant again and then it’s on! I’m eating all the foods!)
But seriously. I’m so much more than the number on the scale. I’m so much more than the size of my jeans. And so are you! I’m so blessed with a loving husband who never made me feel anything less than beautiful! My body has stretch marks and saggy skin & I couldn’t be more proud. This body grew my perfect little son! My body has produced breast milk for over 15 months for him! This year on vacation I wore a bathing suit AND didn’t hate the pictures that were taken of me.
I’m proud of myself and proud of my body! Comment and let me know your postpartum body problems or praises, please!!